The Last Ed
by ACEAMC
Summary: It started with a Middle ages play assignment and a prototype time machine, but it ended in a life-changing journey of magic, hope, and tacos. Will the Eds get home safely? how? Why are there hills in Holland? Find out here!
1. a playdate

The last Ed

Chapter one: a play-date

"For crying out loud, get to the good part lady!" Eddy mumbled, leaning back in a movie theatre like seat in his school's auditorium. Everyone in the Cul-de-sac had signed up for this afterschool drama club, but for the past few days Mrs. Violet, or Vi for short, had only covered things he already knew, "Props" and "Ambiance" and all the junk he learned from scamming already. Who needs to hear all that again? Ed and double d were sitting next to him, looking just as bored as he was, when Vi announced something no one expected, "Since you all seem so bored by me I might as well tell you about the project now."

"Project?" the word echoed from every mouth and back and forth through the auditorium. "That's right. By signing up for drama class all of you have become eligible for our night of plays. All of you will pair up into groups of three and write, make props and backgrounds for, and act in your very own plays."

"Awesome!" Nazz smiled, imagining time on the stage.

"I think that's illegal Plank." Johnny said to his board, which he still never let out of his sight. Apparently plank was describing some sort of prop.

"Rolf will take to this like papa takes to roasted sheep head!" Vi spoke again, "The theme of this year's night of plays is a _journey of history_, so each of the plays will have a historical setting. Other than that, you get the most artistic license you may ever get while in school."

"What's an artistic license, Double d?" Ed asked, smiling

"An artistic license is an artist's freedom to do what they will with a play, Ed."

Mrs. Vi turned on the overhead, which had a list of over thirty different time periods on it, from the stone age to the sixties, and just about everything in between. Already the kids had divided themselves into four groups: Team Kanker (May, Marie, and Lee of course.), team Rolf, (Rolf, Kevin, Johnny and "plank too") Team Nazz (Nazz, Sarah, and Jimmy.) And of course team Edd (Ed, Edd and Eddy.) each of the teams took their turn up at the overhead to claim an age. Team Kanker took the age of piracy, team Rolf took the holocaust (Apparently in honor of Rolf's great Nana, who according to him died in it.) Team Nazz chose ancient Egypt, but the Eds had a harder time deciding. "Aww Man! All the good ones are gone!" Double d looked over all the suggestions and chuckled to himself, as if they were all jokes to him, until Ed stuck his finger firmly on the one period right in the middle of the list, "This one sounds like fun!" the other Eds tried to see what was under Ed's finger, but all they could make out was "Eval period? Sounds sweet! We'd dress like demons, play some rock, get some fire . . ."

"Actually Eddy, I think that said Medieval." Double d's sly grin widened even more before returning to its more humble form, "That would be a fine period Ed!"

"Ah, Evil, Medieval, they're both pretty cool. Medieval it is!" But Eddy noticed the look on Double d's face a moment ago and asked him as they returned to their seats, "What's with you."

"Oh nothing, just something I want to tell you after this is done." Eddy considered what Double d could have been talking about before Vi spoke again, "All of you who enter this contest will get extra credit in both English and Social studies, and the winner will move on to state and national, where grants will be awarded."

"Grants? As in money?" after that all Eddy could think about was how to win this contest.

Three thirty came quickly, but already the gears in Eddy's head were turning at this prospect. He didn't expect Double d to pull him into the broom closet along with Ed not long afterwards. "Double d, are you nuts?" Eddy asked, peeking out of a crack in the door, "People are going to start talking if we start meeting in the broom closet!" Double d's grin had now split into a wide smile "Sorry Eddy, but I don't want anybody else to follow us; this is something I haft to show you guys and you guys alone." Team Johnny passed by the door, and the Eds fell silent. "Aww, come on Rolf! Do I really haft to be the chick?" Rolf glared at Kevin, who almost sent Eddy into fits of laughter, "Rolf's Great Nana was a brave, selfless woman. Feel grateful that you get to wear a dress in her name!" Johnny cut in then, "Hey Rolf, Plank's not good at memorizing lines. Can you give him a small part?"

"The wood can be my Nano, who could not himself speak at the time." They left, but Team Nazz came out then after, "Jimmy, are you sure we can do a story on Cleopatra?" Nazz asked a prancing Jimmy.

"Why shouldn't we? It's artistic license!"

"Well whatever, so long as I get to be Cleopatra!" Sarah responded as they left. Team Kanker and Mrs. Vi left through the auditorium's back door. "Gentlemen, I have something back at my house that will surely help with our play. I couldn't have timed this better!"

"Double d has something cool Eddy!" Ed repeated loudly, though out of earshot of anybody else. "Heard him the first time, Ed." Eddy replied, following Double d slowly and carefully back to his house.

"Gentlemen, when you hear the name "Einstein" What comes to your mind."

"Fuzzy hair?"

"You?" The two Eds offered, standing in front of a covered platter on an end table.

"Interesting. I always think of the theory of relativity, which states the possibly of time travel due to the curvature of space. Now for the past few months I've been pondering it deeply and I realized: Space can be folded and cut to our liking." Double d gripped the top of the cloth tightly and smiled proudly, "Behold, The ED mach 3." He pulled away the cloth, revealing what looked like a cross between a Wii-mote and a calculator. It had fifteen buttons on it: ten numerical buttons, one that looked like a cross between the Wii's cross button and a compass rose, a comma button, one BC button, one AD button, and a button that simply said _Last,_ in an old looking text. It was a light tan color, and if it didn't have its name on the bottom in chrome you'd think it came from the Middle Ages itself.


	2. the Ed bull part 1

Chapter 2: the Ed bull

Eddy sat outside on Double D's front yard the next morning, waiting for him to start the device. As he did many thoughts paced through his head on how to make a profit off this: Make the best medieval play ever, and then give the kids time travel rides for money, THEN patent and sell it for a million Dollars. He gets the money; Double d get's the fame, and Ed gets . . . something else. He'll figure it out later. They were told by Double d not to eat breakfast before time-travelling, so they were all pretty hungry. "Before we go I must warn you," Double d said, leading them into a metal dome of sorts, "This device is unpredictable and may run out of energy fast. If worst comes to worst and it runs completely out of energy before we get home, we may be trapped in Medieval Holland for the rest of our lives."

"So what?" Eddy asked, following Double d with Ed eagerly, "We're from the 21st century, we can handle it!"

"Well, in that case," Double d pressed several buttons on the ED and grabbed onto Eddy and Ed's hands, "This might be unpleasant."

"Let's sing a-" Ed began before the three were sucked away by the ground beneath them. Eddy and Ed tried to scream, but the sound was ripped from them, and even the color of their clothes were ripped away. It was a miracle that Double d was able to hold onto his friends, the device, and his hat in the torrent of time. Finally they were tossed onto a green knoll at fifteen miles per hour.

"Double d, why is the world spinning?" Ed asked, spread eagle on the ground. "That would be vertigo Ed." Double d responded after dry-heaving for several minutes. "You might want to fix that Double d." Eddy grumbled, standing up woozily. "I'm not sure I can," Double d responded while he and Ed also got up, "But perhaps some sort of pod would be nice."

"What do we do now Double d?" Ed asked as the three stumbled onto a pathway, as if they were drunk. "First off we should determine whether we made it to our destination or not, and then we find a plot!"

"Oh great, we get to go plot-shopping." The Eds followed the road for almost two miles before reaching a village. Not much was in it, a small windmill and a manor of course, but no modern buildings. Plus everyone in said village dressed in older clothes. "Well, I can safely assume that we have arrived in Holland."

"Yippee," Eddy mumbled sarcastically, "Now how are we going to find that plot?"

"I was thinking of finding a knight out there and recording one of his exploits for our play." So the Eds entered the village, getting weird looks from the people due to their clothes and the fact that Ed hugged every chicken he saw along the way (Which was more than twenty.). When they made it to the manor house they asked if they could see the owner. "Why would I let a bunch of scrawny kids in to see my master?" Responded the guard, who himself looked very formidable. "Please sir, all we want is a story. If we could find someone with something g interesting to say we'd be more than happy to leave."

"No means no kid, now beat it!" the guard flashed the Eds his pike and they reluctantly left, wandering the road looking for another village with a story.

"Man, what a jerk." Eddy finally said hours later as they left another town where they were kicked out because they thought Ed was trying to steal their chickens. Ed currently was chasing a blue butterfly up the road while Double d sighed, "Don't worry Eddy, we're bound to stumble on something interesting soon. Suddenly Ed stopped stared at the butterfly with a look of sheer awe, and ran back to the other Eds. "Guys! That butterfly knows the muffin man!"

"The muffin man?" Double d asked.

"The muffin man?!?" Eddy also asked, but more credulously.

"Yeah, the butterfly knows the muffin man that lives on drury lane!"

"How stupid can you-" Eddy started, before the butterfly started fluttering over them, singing in English "Shut de do, keep out the devil, shut de do, keep the devil in the night!" Double d almost fainted, and Eddy leapt away from the butterfly as if it was a swarm of killer bees. The butterfly landed on Ed's extended finger and bowed, "Did I startle you?"

"Well, we're not really used to talking butterflies." Double d admitted.

"And I'm not used to tacky dressers like yourselves," The butterfly added, flying over to Eddy's nose, "What brings you to this neck of the woods Chuck?"

"My name's not Chuck!" Eddy shouted while Ed answered, "We're looking for a good story."

"Aren't we all?"

"Let me explain, "Double d pulled out a paper with the play requirements on it, "We need a five-act story to turn into a play for a national competition."

"Oh excellent!" The butterfly twirled in the air, "I've always wanted to act! You'll let me star of course?" there was an awkward pause before Double d answered, "Unfortunately that would be impossible, but we will tribute you if you can give us a plot."

"Hmm . . . how about Sodom and Gomorrah?"

"Too long ago." Eddy responded.

"Well, how about the story of my life? I was born in a rosebush three weeks ago, and-"

"Boring!" Eddy interrupted "Tell us about a knight in shining armor or a wizard!"

"Wizards don't exist Ed." Double d corrected before agreeing that a butterfly's life was insanely boring. "Well, there is the red bull . . ."

"The red bull?" The three asked. "What's the red bull?"

"It gives you wings!" The butterfly replied, flying very high. "Sheesh, let's go Double d." Eddy started to walk away before the butterfly flew in front of his face to stop him, "out of these woods desire not to go." The butterfly grew serious then, "The red bull is a horrible monster that has stolen away immortality itself, down the roads into the sea, and now searches for the last of it."

"The last of immortality? What on earth do you mean?" Double d asked as the butterfly began to fly away. "When she saw me, then she fled me, lifting her petticoat over her knee," The butterfly's odd song floated off with him, while the Ed's shrugs and continued their hunt for a plot.

Eventually that hunt turned into a hunt for a place to sleep, which they found in a clearing. "I must apologize for this," Double d whimpered, cooking a can of fava beans over a fire, "I didn't expect finding a plot to be so hard."

"Ah, it's not your fault." Eddy mumbled, cooking a bratwurst over the same fire. "I wish I had a tail!" Ed added, adding butter to the toast he browned with the same fire. The three sighed together. Suddenly a rumbling shook them all, burning Eddy's bratwurst and knocking over their tents. "The heck was that?" Eddy asked, throwing aside his brat and grabbing his half-packed bag. Double d and Ed did the same, "It came from the road we were on." The three ran to the road and then hid in terror. There on the road stood a giant bull, about the size of an elephant with horns as big as Ed. Its fur was a dark red, the color of dried blood. "That's the bull the butterfly told us about!" Ed smiled.

"I suppose it is." Double d responded quietly, watching it snuff the ground, "It must be looking for the last of immortality, whatever that is." They stayed quiet, watching the bull for a bit, until Eddy spoke, "Let's jump it."

"Jump it? Are you mad?!"

"Aww, come on! If that thing's holding immortality captive it'd be the best plot we could hope for."

"Well, true."

"Alright, on the count of three Ed grabs its tail, you go for the horns, and I'll head for its back." The bull looked, up as if it heard Eddy, then went back to snuffing the ground. "One. . . .Two . . . three!" Ed and Double d dove for their positions, but Eddy's pants got snagged on the bush. As soon as Ed took hold of its tail and Double d of its horns it reared up and sped off, dragging two of the three Eds with it. "Eddy!" The both shouted, the bull carrying them to who knows where. "Hang on guys!" Eddy shouted, tugging away his pants and chasing after.

The bull ran so much faster than Eddy ever could, and soon he lost sight of it. But Eddy followed the path north by northwest, towards the sea. His feet had blisters, his legs trembled, and his stomach growled. But the worst was his throat; it was so parched and cracked from running and shouting after his friends that no more than a squeak came out. He stopped by the road and opened his bag, which had only so much in it. He dumped out his few cans of food and swallowed a can of corn whole; he was too tired to cook it. Then he slipped into his bag and used his magazines as pillows and fell asleep fast, dreaming about his day and all that went wrong in it. He didn't notice the black caravan that pulled beside him, or the sloping feeling of a short man and a tall man carrying him off the side of the road, or the echo of steel bars as his cage was closed and locked.


End file.
